1. Write a history of your compulsive eating beginning with the first time you can remember food related events.
My first memory w/ food started the moment my uncle (NOT blood - he was married to my mom's sister) put his hands on me. I was 9 & making a lunch of Campbell's Vegetable Soup & a sandwich -- not sure if I ever made the sandwich.
He touched me & the food was what I needed to block out the horrific event that happened. Well, it wasn't an "isolated incident". I briefly felt anger & then went straight to RAGE! KABOOM! TICK. TICK. TICK. KABOOM. I am having a difficult time w/ this especially since I have recently started attending SIA meetings in the past month. I will be gentle w/ this history. It will be rigorously honest, so it will be done in pieces since I am a bit raw from the SIA stuff & I added ACA -- it will be 2 weeks {I am determined to excavate all of the gunk. Excavating the wreckage of my past}. Please be patient, I don't want to lie, omit, rush or write whatever lQQks "pretty".
I would just shove it in, pack it away or just graze. I wasn't called a "bottomless pit" like my cousin(s) but baby, I packed it away. I am voluptuous -- started this @ an early age. I would eat just to not feel. To keep the secret inside. I would just stuff myself but had no friggin' clue as to what the heck I was doing, why I was doing it or how to STOP doing it. I crunched & munched my RAGE. I soothed my soul with sweets or smooth concoctions. I vacillated to salty & sweet when I didn't know what was happening around me. It was the jackpot of poisons flowing through my veins.
I am not a Frito's fan (my uncle's "munchie" when coming down from a marijuana induced whatever) but I did stuff those disgusting things in when there wasn't any potato chips, cheese doodles, Doritos or pretzels around... you know when I needed the crunch & munch to let the rage simmer down. I was a ready to detonate from the moment I had my first full blown memory that I was violated.
Strange as it may be, I am going to end it here for I still don't want to contaminate my writing (gotta work on this) w/ the rest of my history.
My first memory w/ food started the moment my uncle (NOT blood - he was married to my mom's sister) put his hands on me. I was 9 & making a lunch of Campbell's Vegetable Soup & a sandwich -- not sure if I ever made the sandwich.
He touched me & the food was what I needed to block out the horrific event that happened. Well, it wasn't an "isolated incident". I briefly felt anger & then went straight to RAGE! KABOOM! TICK. TICK. TICK. KABOOM. I am having a difficult time w/ this especially since I have recently started attending SIA meetings in the past month. I will be gentle w/ this history. It will be rigorously honest, so it will be done in pieces since I am a bit raw from the SIA stuff & I added ACA -- it will be 2 weeks {I am determined to excavate all of the gunk. Excavating the wreckage of my past}. Please be patient, I don't want to lie, omit, rush or write whatever lQQks "pretty".
I would just shove it in, pack it away or just graze. I wasn't called a "bottomless pit" like my cousin(s) but baby, I packed it away. I am voluptuous -- started this @ an early age. I would eat just to not feel. To keep the secret inside. I would just stuff myself but had no friggin' clue as to what the heck I was doing, why I was doing it or how to STOP doing it. I crunched & munched my RAGE. I soothed my soul with sweets or smooth concoctions. I vacillated to salty & sweet when I didn't know what was happening around me. It was the jackpot of poisons flowing through my veins.
I am not a Frito's fan (my uncle's "munchie" when coming down from a marijuana induced whatever) but I did stuff those disgusting things in when there wasn't any potato chips, cheese doodles, Doritos or pretzels around... you know when I needed the crunch & munch to let the rage simmer down. I was a ready to detonate from the moment I had my first full blown memory that I was violated.
Strange as it may be, I am going to end it here for I still don't want to contaminate my writing (gotta work on this) w/ the rest of my history.
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