Step 6 ~ Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

"From now on, we strive to keep ourselves entirely ready for any transformation our Higher Power wants to bring about in us. Having such an attitude, we cannot fail. We will become wiser, saner, more effective people as we recover from the disease of compulsive eating. We'll find we can cope with both good times and bad, learning and growing spiritually from each experience as our Higher Power intended us to do all along." pg 58


Step 6 ~ Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.


Hmmm... Defects... What on earth are those? I don't have any! Geez! *Stomp* *Pout* *Eyes roll*... not to mention shrieking "Mother #$%^@*"!!! Insert slamming or tossing something... while wishing it was someone... or several someones. Hahaha!


Preparation & reflection comes to my mind when I think of Step 6. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Change happens when I'm working my program. Whether it is change I am anxious, excited or uncomfortable about... it is coming. Now, I have to make sure -- be absolutely certain -- I am ready to embrace these changes. I must be honest w/ myself. I must align my heart, mind, spirit & soul to be unequivocally ready & willing for God to remove every one of my defects of character that have enabled my destructive ~ banshee screaming ~ addictive behavior(s). Temper tantrums included.

This also means I have to let go of certain people, places, situations & things to allow God to do the work that needs to be done. Why was I so annoyed, frustrated, pissed off, short-tempered and full of rage? Why? Why? Oh, because I'd been playing GOD -- doing HIS part in the spiritual growth process. Imagine that... me playing GOD! My role was "being entirely ready" to let God !


How miraculous it is when I surrender & hand over the reigns. When I ask Jesus to take the wheel there is brilliance -- no drama. How awe-inspiring & utterly amazing His energy is. His dynamism is a prism of iridescence.

God's omnipotence is released to flow through our lives to clean them only when we quit trying to control the how & when He is to use that power. It means, no more piloting the aircraft... it means time to kick back & allow the majestic Prince to chauffeur me in an Escalade limo. Ha! Relinquish the puppet strings & breathe.


It is imperative for me to remember that I am human & should not place unrealistic expectations on myself.

As I give my defects of character to God, I must do my best to eschew self-condemnation, self-degradation & feelings of worthlessness. Eradicate my defects as they reveal themselves to me.

Memo to Self:

BE GENTLE

BE LOVING

BE RESPECTFUL


Some of my defects...

Guilt:

I feel the abuse was my fault & I somehow caused it.

When I say I am unable to do something.

When I hog the remote/DVR.

Possessiveness:

I am a bit of a JEALOUS chica...Mine. Mine. Mine. ALL MINE. 'NUFF SAID!

Ooohh, they belong to me!

DO NOT TOUCH! "THE END".

Procrastination:

Ahem...*cough* Aaahhh..*cough* Isn't that my last name? Oh, my first name. Got'cha!

Fear

Jealousy

Selfishness

Responsibility:

It is always my responsibility. No matter what, it is either my fault or my job to *fix* it.

Envy:

What do you mean by I can't have Oprah's $$$.

Aaahhh, I can't wear the crown & be called Princess Chica... WTF?!

I can't jet off to the island of Capri, Greek Islands, Jerusalem or meditate w/ the masters...

Pride:

Goeth before I fall on my ass!

Profanity:

Like a Fuckin' Sailor, baby!

Laziness:

I'm too lazy to write anymore ;o)!

Impatience:

That is why I am not a doctor... I have no patients. LOL!

Stubbornness

Perfectionism

Punctuality:

Seriously lacking... push it to the limit. I mean, it's all about me so they'll wait.

RAGE


Bottom line, the goal is spiritual release, not spiritual self-punishment. Definitely an going process. *Sigh*. I will not be "cured" &/ or healed in a blink of an eye, w/ a snap of a finger; rather, recovery will be a daily undertaking to harmonize & scrutinize the flourishing declaration of all of our God-given needs.