My program is a way of constructing ~ finally ~ a new life (whooo~hooo!!!) than just a way of getting over in my disease by binging, purging & starving because in the fellowship we don't just "stop". I did that far too many times & my disease did a De la Hoya on my ass. All the times of "controlling" my insanity -- my dissent into madness -- was just a lay over.
My disease is pervasive. It slinks in the shadows waiting for me to "fall off the wagon".
I was quick to run back into thethroes arms of my disease. My disease takes on the role of my mother/father/sister/brother/grandma/grandpa/best friend/lover & entices me to seek shelter.
My disease is so duplicitous, it hovers w/ the most evil of grins, frothing @ the mouth, digging dirt for my grave... waiting for me to pick up, purge or restrict. Why? It knows me. Knows my M.O. -- how I was always waiting for the time I could & would reach for my *fix*. Y'know, that particular "Aaahhh" moment that would toss me violently into the vicious tornado.
Now that I am in recovery instead of waiting to get the "prize", I see the beauty, the miracles & the blessings. My recovery is NOT something I will relinquish w/o fighting as if my life depends on it because it DOES!
My disease is pervasive. It slinks in the shadows waiting for me to "fall off the wagon".
I was quick to run back into the
My disease is so duplicitous, it hovers w/ the most evil of grins, frothing @ the mouth, digging dirt for my grave... waiting for me to pick up, purge or restrict. Why? It knows me. Knows my M.O. -- how I was always waiting for the time I could & would reach for my *fix*. Y'know, that particular "Aaahhh" moment that would toss me violently into the vicious tornado.
Now that I am in recovery instead of waiting to get the "prize", I see the beauty, the miracles & the blessings. My recovery is NOT something I will relinquish w/o fighting as if my life depends on it because it DOES!
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