Caged

I am going stir crazy not working out the way I have for nearly 5 months. I feel like I am trapped -- a lioness chained & caged. I long to roam free. To hit the pavement w/ Hope & leave everything behind as I focus on the gift God has bestowed upon me. To be able to breathe in the crisp, clear, peaceful night air as darkness surrounds me.

Guided by the moon as I seek answers to the many q's billowing around my cranium. If no answers come to the surface, I am able to just accept that the answers will arrive when they are scheduled to arrive -- not when my haughty, pouty, foot stomping self demands them.

I no longer want to get the incorrect message because I am an impatient, bratty & demanding child. I am a woman who knows better-- so I must do better. Keep this ingrained in my head like a post-it instead of flying blind & crashing.


Granted, I long to be free to just take off. I have always been one to take flight when things got to be too much & when I was pulling into my shell -- I just hid from the world. The pendulum knows all too well how to swing back & forth furiously -- frantically out of control... I must remember the pain of living in that insanity. The days of raging & the nights of crying, raging & feeling like I am unworthy. How my nrg was depleted & I was living in total destruction... 'caused by my actions!

It is a blessing, a beautiful gift not to live that horror today. I am feeling the feelings. I must admit, the feelings are a royal BITCH but @ least I am alive to feel them & I need to walk through them to heal. If I have to crawl -- I will 'cause it is now my time to shine from the depths of my soul & to see the radiance w/ my own eyes.

No longer am I talking the talk aka bullshit wrapped in a charming, seductive & sexy dimpled smile... I am walking the walk... FEELING EVERY FRIGGIN' EMOTION. GRRR!!!