Step Two - Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Step Two - Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

1. Do you continue to expect different results from the same behavior? Define insanity as it relates to your compulsive overeating.

My heart knows that I won’t ever experience different results from the same sick, twisted, incurable behavior I used to practice in the midst’s of my disease. Sadly, my feeble, impaired, obsessively creative, voracious mind would always “forget” the demoralization I endured during my previous amnesic waltz with my insane, self-seeking, irrational addicted cranium. I am grateful to God for cradling me when I was lost in myself. I don’t ever have to return to the destructive methods of my delusional disease because of God’s grace to lovingly wait and hold on until I felt safe & secure enough to believe in me and relinquish my reign by releasing the reins.

Today, I am blessed to know I am not “cured”, but I am recovered enough to know that to take back my infected enslaving routine is to surely meet a expedited demise.

My definition of insanity, is to brazenly discount all of the mutilation, catastrophe, tears, dejection, and torment that I endured after returning to my “old” iniquitous tricks & expecting to finally “beat it” this time. As if this time, “I got it” and beat the grim reaper by my perfidious system of not looking @ the truth of being powerless over food, purging & starving. My binge foods revealed my etiquette, my truculence, my temerity, and despite these blaring facts, I continued to circumvent the truth. INSANITY!

2 What does your unmanageable life feel like?

My unmanageable life does not feel like anything @ all, it just is me barreling through like a tornado. I am not the most outstanding human being. I am annihilating everything & everybody. My unruly life wants me to escape from all of the chaos swirling around my orbit, it no longer wants me to check out by indulging in my binge foods, it yearns for me to DIE. My unbridled life is acutely turbulent because I refuse to accept life on life’s terms. Why do I repel life as it is handed to me? Because it is NOT going according to my egotistical orchestrations aka Diane’s self-absorbed machinations. I used to have enraged tantrums because not only was my life undisciplined, I was!

Bottom line, to have an unmanageable life, means I am off the beam and I better do the undertaking I must to be right side. I need to dig deep, go back & trace the steps that has led me to this noxious vicinity. Faith without works is dead and I need to believe God can deliver me from this soul plague that has ambushed me.


3. Are there other areas of your life that are insane or unmanageable?

Taking on too much responsibility. Always being the “go to girl”. When there is something that needs to be handled, it is dumped on me.

4. Are you able to believe a Higher Power can restore you to sanity? Why or why not?

Yes, I believe a Higher Power can restore me to sanity & I am living proof of His magnificence. All I have to do is believe that a Higher Power can deliver me & know that Higher Power is not me!


5. How does your Higher Power communicate with you?

I hear His message three times from the three different angels God sends my way. It is also divulged to me in my dreams. I ask for answers, direction & guidance and He reveals what needs to be unveiled to me during prayer & meditation.

6. Have you experienced sanity being restored? What happen?

Absolutely! Instead of just talking the talk, I started walking it. I LIVED it. I LISTEN. I know it is not about me & has never been about me. I FORGIVE. I ACCEPT. I can be around my binge foods & not have it be my God. I trekked the path as it was given. I am trudging the Road of Happy Destiny.


7. What can your Higher Power do for you and what can your Higher Power not do for you?

My Higher Power (God) can love & accept me unconditionally. God gives me the instructions to be recovered, but He can’t make follow the directions laid out before me. God hands me the map to go to the beach, but cannot make me swim.


8. Is something holding you back from believing your sanity can be restored? Describe.

Not today.


9. What is living sanely like for you? Can you visualize your life living sanely? Explain.

It is a miraculous gift not to always be right & have the last word. I don’t have to be vicious to make my point today. I don’t get an adrenaline hit anymore to lash out & hurt people because of my disease.

Living sanely means there is a Power greater than Diane & I am not that Power. It is not for me to debate with an unhealthy mind if there is a chance for me to eventually be that Power. I can’t argue with the fact that I have been delivered from a ruthless obsession.