Gratitude List

1. Lip infusion
2. My planner
3. My silly side

One Before Two

OA Question # 10 (AA Question # 9): Read Step Two in the OA 12 Steps. How is the taking of Step One a necessity before taking Step Two?


I have to admit I am powerless & my life is unmanageable. I can't take step 2 if step 1 hasn't been taken.

I have to not only say I am powerless over food, people, places, things, ideas, feelings... I have to accept that I am w/o a shadow of a doubt POWERLESS!!!

I have to acknowledge that my life is unmanageable due to the insanity of being in the clutches of my disease. To see it, is one thing... to live it & be a part of an unmanageable life is to allow chaos to reign.

I have to surrender – fall on my knees, if I must but I have to truly believe I am POWERLESS over that first bite.

Gratitude List

1. Isaac Mizrahi
2. Accessories
3. QVC

Gratitude List

1. New A/C's
2. Comfy socks
3. Warm pj's

Gratitude List

1. My deep conditioner
2. Hair clips
3. My shampoo

Gratitude List

1. Burt's Bees
2. Sunglasses
3. My glasses

Gratitude List

1. Old school mail
2. Cocoa Butter
3. Paper towels

Gratitude List

1. Recorded meetings
2. The BB
3. My 12 & 12

Gratitude List

1. Post-it notes
2. White out
3. Red ink

Gratitude List

1. Dr. Perricone
2. Comfy pillows
3. Ice chips

Wicked Compulsion

30 Questions Revised for the OA 12 & 12: Question # 7: Read Chapter Three in the Big AA Book (“More About Alcoholism”). How does this relate to your compulsion?

Oh, how many times did I set out to prove I could eat like “normal people” – numerous. All of the senseless attempts to prove – once again – that this time it would be different. All of the heartache & the demoralization of my soul giving in to that one irrational , noxious concept of “ you can have a little”. The fallacy of believing I could one day quell my eating was a preposterous obsession. It was an unrelenting deception that infiltrated my mind. It was a powerful belief that corroded & impaired my thinking that would no doubt led me down the highway of death.

I had to admit that I suffered from the ABC's. I was an anorexic, bulimic & compulsive overeater. I had to own up to the misconception that something wasn't wrong. I had to be honest, no matter how much I wanted to be like regular folks when it came to eating, I wasn't. The delusion definitely had to be SMASHED! My capability to control my anorexia, bulimia & compulsive overeating was gone; although, I doubt it ever existed. Any & all attempts to mislead myself was short-lived since my disease ameliorated. Every day my illness just snowballed out of control deteriorating with every breath.

There were cursory moments when I caught glimpses of what reasonable behavior could be like. When my malady was arrested, a smidgen of independence emerged shining a beacon of light to slay the dragon for brief interludes. Unfortunately, the relapses became stronger, more vicious & lasted longer; although, cognitively I knew I wasn't a run-of-the mill eater, I always tested the theory out. Oh, I did the low/no fat, health food aisles or stores only, bite size this or that, no eating after a certain time, dip a tine into the dressing, portion control, weekends only, once a week, never having “certain” foods in the house, reading the latest diet book, points...

The deception I could just have “a taste” now that I have a few months under my belt was what propelled me back into relapse – over & over & over... I always longed to end the insanity but it was an inexecutable maneuver.

Ludicrous rumblings began ruminating in my cranium, muttering that I could just have a nosh or a sliver. It doesn't matter how much knowledge I may or may not have about my eating behavior, I seem to develop amnesia. The anguish & humiliation seem to vanish into the ether and I am back to my old, comfortable destructive behaviors.

I have absolutely no immunity against the first nibble.

Gratitude List

1. Healthy boundaries
2. Realization
3. Gentle actions

Gratitude List

1. Tots
2. Salty tears
3. Treasured memories

Gratitude List

1. Sail boats
2. Comic books
3. Sea shells

Gratitude List

1. Crayons
2. Swing sets
3. Paint

Gratitude List

1. Fergie's "The Duchess" CD
2. Fresh flowers
3. Hot tea

Gratitude List

1. Sunset @ the beach
2. Snow capped mountains
3. Icy rivers

Gratitude List

1. Ice
   
2. The ability to listen
   
3. Puddles
   
   

Gratitude List

1. Sunshine on my skin
   
2. My lips
   
3. My smile
   
   

Gratitude List

1. Love

2. Giggles

3. Smiles

Gratitude List

1. Warm Blankets
   



2. Shelter from the storms
   



3. Hot showers
   
   
   

Gratitude List

1. Flameless candles
   



2. My BB
   



3. My God box
   
   

Gratitude List

1. The grace to do it again
   
2. The chance to get it right
   
3. The realization of letting it go
   
   
   

Gratitude List

1. My Sponsor
   


2. Recovery angels
   


3. Wisdom
   
   
   

Abstinence vs Recovery

For me, when a compulsive overeater is abstinent from their compulsive eating habits/binge/trigger foods they are "white knuckling" their program.

These individuals may be staying away from certain food & food behaviors; unfortunately, they are not treating the underlying issues that led to their eating in the first place or developed as their disease progressed.

Many "abstinent" members of the fellowship who are not in "recovery" will experience a transfer of addictions that could involve a new -- 0r underlying -- addiction because they have not discovered a healthy way to fill the void that food did.

Some individuals may have ceased eating compulsively, but their life is exactly the same. Sadly, some may also become jealous of others who are eating, build resentments &/or struggle w/ other issues.

An compulsive overeater who is in "recovery" is in remission from their disease. They are not "cured" but their disease is arrested -- meaning they are free from the bondage of being chained to food, free from the insanity, the cravings & the mental obsession. It is a spiritual program & working the steps gives us a new way of life. Miraculously, the hole is now spiritually filled by 12 step living. Serenity enters their lives from this new design of living.

So, those experiencing "abstinence" have stages of good food days, months, years but they will inevitably return to their previous compulsive overeating habits. Why? Because they are STARK RAVING ABSTINENT waiting for the day they can "pick up" & try to eat like a normal (whatever that is) person.

So, I have 6+ months of recovery ;) not abstinence. Thank you, God!

Gratitude List

1. Shore breezes
   


2. Green trees
   


3. Fluffy clouds