Acceptance

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

--from p. 417 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (4th Edition)

Tombstones In Their Eyes

Tonight hearing someone mention "tombstones in their eyes" freaked the HELL outta me.

Why? 'Cause I was @ that point. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was slowly KILLING MYSELF! I just didn't give a damn. All I cared about was *MY FIX*. I needed it & all hell would break loose if my loot wasn't in the house.

I would rage @ everyone for "forgetting" something @ the store. It was a battle zone & I made EVERYONE walk on eggshells. They were living in fear. They were afraid of setting off the landmines! Huh! I was the friggin' landmine. AMENDS. AMENDS. AMENDS. Starting w/ me!

Well, when the "stash" didn't have the same effect on me...

~~~To be continued~~~